RUN REPORTS 2026
Run #2719
The Wisbih River Dreams run, brought to you by Trojan Whores and Semper Pyles. I don’t think there are two other hashers that have more hare runs than these two in a short amount of time. That experience really showed today, as we had a beautiful, clear afternoon to enjoy this lazy walk around Meinong. It has come to my attention, however, that Trojan was the recent recipient of some performance enhancing body augmentations. Everyone is so worried about AI, that I’m afraid we may be overlooking the rise of Skynet and having Terminator spies in our midst. Seriously though, you were already fast enough. Do you need to be indestructible as well?
We had six first timers ( Sunny, Choco, Kenny, Paul, Cassandra, Winnie, James ) and two second timers ( Sharia and Nathan ) for this afternoon’s outing. It’s always nice to see some new blood on the hash, regardless of whether or not that blood is literal or figurative. Remember kids, unlike your local drug dealer, the third time is free, not the first. So, if you’re now hooked, come on back for the third time and get your own hash name and maybe a whistle. Big emphasis on the “maybe” in that previous sentence.
Freshly named Toilet Chain had the men’s hash-it and gave us three good nominations. First was for Flashdance Birdie for nabbing the capybara on trail. Second was for TTT for running after the bus, which led to a lot of the runners following him. Third was for Trojan Whores for getting the runners lost. Now, TW technically won this vote, but really shouldn’t have. There is clear photographic evidence of a whole group of runners standing right in front of the mark under the bridge, but nobody saw it. I personally think TTT should have won it for playing a real life game of Lemmings with the runners. Maybe next time.
Skin Deep had the women’s hash-it and started with a self nomination for regretting her hash name. You aren’t the first, and you certainly won’t be the last to regret that. Second was for TW for being there despite having broken ribs, and third was for Snore Math, more affectionately known as Snort Meth. Much like rural America, snorting meth, I mean, Snore Math wins.
Trojan and TTT were our recognized over-achievers today. TTT made it to 25 runs, which is pretty impressive for how seldomly he comes. Unlike our previous head he has a good excuse, what with living in Taipei and all the international travel. Trojan got his 50 run patch, which is also very impressive for how short a time he’s been hashing. Exemplary work, boys.
General penalties were short and sweet. TTT welcomed Bleeding Barbie, still healing from a scooter accident, back to the hash with a drink for following him. I guess this modern day rendition of the pied piper uses a Philly accent instead of a flute to lead everyone on. Another proud PA moment. Maybe some year all the Pennsylvanians can do the champagne breakfast hash featuring some of our finest cuisine. I’ve tried stinky tofu, so it’s only fair that our Taiwanese friends try some scrapple. Pro tip: Don’t ask what’s in it.
Foghorn nominated Keymaster for his translation skills when he politely explained to the farmers why a bunch of foreigners were trudging through their rice fields. He also nominated TTT and Pedalphile for most likely to be in the Epstein files. Taiwan isn’t really known as a sex tourism destination. Maybe you guys meant to end up in Thailand, which you undershot by about 4 hours of flight time. Hopefully you two didn’t have presidential aspirations. Or maybe that’s the sort of thing that will guarantee you a win, it’s really hard to tell anymore. Congrats to Foghorn for being awake the whole time and not having to hare the run, which he was nominated for by Semper and LoL, respectively.
ET stuck around for down downs today, and got nominated by Kenny for stealing his bag. ET also nominated himself for remembering his whistle. Kenny would later be nominated by Trojan for creeping on the hash group for years before doing his first run. If someone can creep their way into the presidency, you can creep your way into the hash. Creep up the good work.
Finally, we had our first doggy down down in a long time. HIV nominated Ms. Sticks A Lot for most improved hasher this past year. This dog didn’t know how to walk up or down stairs a year ago, and she had to jump over and across several obstacles today, so it was a real milestone for her.
Thank you hares for a wonderfully flat, yet still picturesque trail. Also thanks to our drivers for helping with transportation. Also a big welcome back to our newly appointed haberdasher, Bleeding Barbie! It’s good to see you on the mend and selling merch. You’ll be back to flipping people off in no time! None of this happens without you guys, and we all appreciate it. On on!
Run 2718
Hear now the Gospel according to Less Fun, as faithfully recorded for posterity. What follows is a testament to those who ran, those who walked, and those who wished they’d had one more or one less beer.
About 30 hashers congregated on a beautiful afternoon in Meinong. For a few of us, we were able to enjoy the hospitality of the Sweaty Van one final time on the ride in… Unless the next chapter in its life turns out to NOT be its final chapter.
We welcomed 5 first timers, (Mia, Zane, Joseph, Nathan, and Malissa). Our hares, Seldom Cums and Virgin Hare The Big Newflowski set off on time at 13:30 after being suitably blessed. The trail meandered through the street and flowerbeds of Meinong, with frequent tests of balance as we tried to stay on the straight and narrow, or risk disaster in the wet rice paddies. Spring was in the air in the dead of winter, with flowers blooming everywhere…. Soulless Santa, you missed out! As we went along, the big question on everyone’s minds was whether we would end up at Keymaster’s house or not. LA decided to cover his bets by first catching the Virgin Hare, then going by Keymaster to leave a taunting message. For all his efforts though, he was never far behind, or far ahead, of the 2 steady leading walkers, Semen Radler and yours truly.
Down Downs took place in the warm glow of a bonfire only slightly shorter than Keymaster, with our intrepid Head starting off the ceremony. After welcoming our first timers and second timer Connor, WHO then introduced our two new members with their baptized names:
· Jenna, on a Gap year from Canada, is certainly having a nice gap year, hence her new name: Nice Gap!
· John, on an internship from the USA, was baptized Toilet Chain, in reference to his name and his two lovely gold chains.
After that, WHO handed over the proceedings to LFTA, vomited surreptitiously, and left.
Women’s Hashit nominations went to Gumsucker for her last hash, Sugar Plum for something, and Mazda Mamasan won for pouring beer all over herself…. Great stuff!
Men's Hashit went to Seldom Cums for his lizard-style fashion choice of all green attire, beating out Toilet Chain for being a nice guy on trail.
One great moment of solemnity was held for Seldom Cums who got his 125th run patch. What fantastic commitment and perseverance from this all-rounder for the hash: Trailmaster, Head, Webmaster, and hidden turn master.
The kennel also gave a collective quick recovery cheer for Bleeding Barbie; may she recover and grace our trails with her slow but steady pace again soon (I know: "Fuck you AIDS!")
Our soon to be departing legend, Frozen Nuts, then handed out an assortment of hash memorabilia, and so even though he may be gone, his moustache/pedo-stache/must-hash tache will help keep his memory alive, if only the memory of his chin. Some of these went for multiple down downs, others for nothing... the price seemed to be more volatile than Bitcoin recently...
To Frozen Nuts and Gumsucker, this is not farewell… we will see you in the next Lunar Holiday for sure! We share our best wishes on your change of home, until we meet, hash, and drink again!
Thus endeth the Gospel According to Less Fun. Until we meet next Saturday, February 7th, hared by our Bionic Trailmaster Trojan Whores and retired GI Joe Trailmaster Semper Pyles, may your beer be cold, your sunscreen plentiful, and your whistle always nestled over your chest! On-On!
-Religious Advisor- LFTA
Run #2717
Ah, nighttime! According to Whodini back in 1984, this is when the freaks come out. While this may be viewed as a warning by most people, we here at the hash prefer to lean into it and really strut our stuff. Considering that we had an army of 50 people on this run, I would argue that night time is the right time. The right time for what? Well, it’s the right time to get together for a little alcohol fueled fun and debauchery, of course!
Our hares for this excursion were LoL and Hairy Fucker, who started us off at the Cultural Center MRT stop. First and foremost, let’s give a heartfelt congratulations to Hairy Fucker getting his 150th hare run! He and LoL marked the occasion by taking us on what many thought was an impossible trail. Why impossible, you ask? These two somehow managed to plot a course that avoided every convenience store for at least half of the trail. The amount of planning that went into avoiding 7-11s on this run is mind blowing, so hats off to hares for achieving a nigh-impossible feat!
This run was particularly busy for naming committees, as we had three third timers to officially welcome into the fold. HIV headed up the women’s committee for our first new official member, Christine. Even though she’s been here forever, this was only her third run, with the previous two being like, ten years ago. She lives up on the mountain, where she’s fairly isolated from the city’s hustle and bustle. Considering this, and the Sleeping Beauty style time skips between runs, we have decided to dub her the “Enchanted Hermit”. The acronym is perfect, because she’s Canadian, and we all know how much Canadians love to say “Eh?” Don’t wait another ten years before your next outing!
Next up we had Cooper. Now, he had a run-in with some bears in the past. The typical advice for dealing with black bears in the wild is to be loud and intimidate them. Cooper, however, decided to groan at them instead. His sexual advances managed to chase off the bears, though that might not have been the desired result. At any rate, from now on he will be known as “Not Even a Bear Would Fuck Me”. What a mouthful! Which is probably what he wanted to give the bears. I am into the whole brevity thing, so I’m going to take “Not”, “Even”, and “Bear”, and shorten that up to NEB. We’ll see if the abbreviation sticks around, unlike the bears.
Our third official inductee was Mike. Mike brought children to Frozen Nuts’ farewell run on Monkey Mountain. Frozen Nuts’ trails are famously not dog or child friendly, and that Monkey Mountain trail was no different. Between the slippery conditions, the rope climbing, and the fucking literal bat cave, Mike has probably provided his offspring with enough nightmare fuel to last well into their teenage years. So, for this fine example of parenting, we have decided to dub Mike “Child Services”. Here’s hoping someone doesn’t have to make that phone call someday.
Our three women’s hash-it nominations were proudly brought to us by HIV. Her first nomination was for Semper Pyles for answering the question “Why do guys get to do that?” with a very glib “Because we can.” Second nomination was for Enchanted Hermit for living up to her name and waiting ten years between runs. Her third nomination was for second timer Jenna for coming back to the hash despite her first run being that gruelling Monkey Mountain affair. Jenna’s dedication carried her to victory. I see another quality Canadian naming committee coming in the near future!
Frozen Nuts had three good nominations for the men’s hash-it. First up was LoL, who got nominated for being excited for finding a can of beans in the cooler. Not water, not beer, beans. Well, Popeye had his spinach, so I guess LoL can have his beans. Second nomination was for Seldom Comes who, despite being our former head and having years of hashing experience, only managed to find one trail mark. Third nomination went to Semper for being an overachiever. He ran 70km in two days and still showed up for this run. Once again, dedication and perseverance win the hash-it. Nice win, Semper.
Time and location kept the general penalties fairly short, but we did have some good ones. Kool Aid nominated Frozen Nuts for giving him NA beer. Frozen Nuts then nominated Kool Aid for not being able to read the can, which apparently was not NA beer. So, one or both of you was or wasn’t drunk, can or can’t read, or all of the above. I love you, KHHH.
I called out the hares for the painstaking effort needed to avoid 7-11s so effectively. Foghorn nominated Semen Radler for detouring to a 7-11, and Crypto Cunt nominated Asswipe for complaining that the trail was too similar to his own. Spanish Flybait gave the hares an appreciative nomination for the eye candy on display at the track. The hares were, in a good way, the central focus for a while.
Salty Siren nominated Semper for flashing her (with his flashlight), and Foghorn called out Kool Aid for being interested in everyone’s underwear. Nice work on being tastefully perverse, guys. On a more wholesome note, Semper nominated Barbie for her excellent work as haberdasher and shirt designer. Kool Aid provided us with a nice moment when he nominated the Plakias alums to come up and drink together. At least it wasn’t Raki!
Last but not least, we had one more major milestone achieved on this run. LFTA hit 125 runs! Congratulations to you and your commitment to spreading… your brand of fun on the hash. That’s a lot of AIDS getting around, so wrap it up, guys!
Thanks to the hares for your extra hard work and anybody else behind the scenes making all this happen. On on!
The Gospel According to Less Fun: Chase Beers with Broth Run 2716
Hear now the Gospel according to Less Fun, as faithfully recorded for posterity. What follows is a testament to those who ran, those who walked, and those who wished they’d stayed in bed.
About 25-30 hashers congregated this morning by the riverside somewhere near Gaoshu and Maolin for the inaugural run of 20-26. Some came by bus, others came by car, and others may even have come by themselves.
The three hares were Seldom Cums, Dick Buffet, and the devious secret hare, Frozen Nuts. Always good when Nuts suddenly pops into view. They set off after being suitably blessed by our Religious Adviser (at that point) WHO.
The trail followed the river, but on the road, then through some fields, then through some farmlands, then through some more fields and plantations, and some of them were wet. Most of them were dry, but the wet ones were shit. Almost as if by design.
Runners’ and walkers’ trails intersected in the best way to keep the flock together, though some errant lambs (LFTA) got lost going halfway back to the start looking for some sign from above, or just a hidden turn. Foghorn’s proclamations of ON ON were not enough to call me back to the flock, alas. I wandered alone until I found the Samaritan, Soulless Santa, and we continued our pilgrimage.
As the trail directed us back towards where we came from, runners were suddenly plunged down a deep and dark Jacob’s Ladder to the pits of hell, aka the riverbed. What followed was Job’s test of perseverance, for while we wallowed through sand and stumbled over rocks, we could hear the encouragement from the meek walkers above, certainly a sign from heaven. We needed only walk through the valley of the shadow of massive fucking cement flood controls and we would rise on the other side, stronger, faith restored, with water in our shoes, and sand in our socks, to finish the journey to the end, and partake in the MOST FABULOUS COMMUNION WINE IN HASH HISTORY, cider! Cider, I tell you, and you shall believe me, because why would I lie?
Then with the flock recongregated, we broke bread. Ok, we sliced them, but some were broken, and soups were heated, and bellies were filled, and beers were opened, emptied, BUT NOT CRUSHED, and then more opened again. It was a feast fit for the faithful, and it was gooooood.
Down downs commenced with the successful hares receiving patches, and then the new MisManagement Roles were announced by the incoming Head, WHO. I will now record the names of these clerics:
· Head: Why Hold Out?
· Co_Head: Happy Hour
· Trailmaster: Trojan Whores
· Brewmeister: Keymaster (master and meister, who saw that coming?)
· Webmaster: Seldom Cums
· Hash Cash: Semen Radler
· Hash Flash: Soulless Santa
· Haberdashery: Bleeding Barbie
· Religious Advisor: Less Fun Than AIDS
· Hash Scribe: Dobbie’s Cock Sock
Moment of solemnity for Lights Out who reached 50 runs with KHHH! A strong, true believer in the path that follows every on-on.
Soulless Santa was nominated for overachieving and popping up in multiple places to record the pilgrims’ journey.
Holder of the male-identified hashit went to Sweatshop for a hat that would make Boy George envious, while the female-identified hashit went to Gumsucker, so she could fondle hold it one more time.
First-timer Gerald showed the strength of spirit that comes from a life of service, by completing the trail without assistance at the age of 81. ON ON Sir!
Mazda Mamasan was nominated for starting with walkers but then, like the lame boy of legend, throwing away her crutches and running the rest of the trail! This may have had something to do with the delicious cakes she had, and which enticed many…. I wouldn’t know, I never saw them. She also once more showed her dedication as a missionary for the hash, by bringing first-timer Stephen… He claims he had fun, but only time will tell if we see a second coming.
All hail our new Head, WHO! He presided over his first service with dignity and minimal fuckups, and we look forward to many more! Services, not fuckups…
Thus endeth the Gospel According to Less Fun. Until we meet on January 17, hared by our WebMaster, ex-Head, ex-Trailmaster, and man of the faith, Seldom Cums, may your beer be cold, your excuses plentiful, and your whistle always nestled over your heart! On-On!
-Religious Advisor- LFTA